Wayne Dyer once said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
This simple statement is a profound invitation into one of the most powerful tools we have: the ability to shift perception. In coaching, this isn't just philosophical: it's practical. How we perceive determines how we feel, and ultimately how we act.
According to cognitive psychology, every thought we have triggers an emotional response, which then leads to a behavioural outcome. This is sometimes called the cognitive-emotional-behavioural loop: Thought → Emotion → Behaviour
So if you're stuck in a cycle of procrastination, conflict, or avoidance, the key may lie not in your actions, but in the thoughts, and deeper still, the beliefs, that come before them. To lead others well, we must first learn to lead ourselves.
And self-leadership starts with the courage to pause and ask:
This simple statement is a profound invitation into one of the most powerful tools we have: the ability to shift perception. In coaching, this isn't just philosophical: it's practical. How we perceive determines how we feel, and ultimately how we act.
According to cognitive psychology, every thought we have triggers an emotional response, which then leads to a behavioural outcome. This is sometimes called the cognitive-emotional-behavioural loop: Thought → Emotion → Behaviour
So if you're stuck in a cycle of procrastination, conflict, or avoidance, the key may lie not in your actions, but in the thoughts, and deeper still, the beliefs, that come before them. To lead others well, we must first learn to lead ourselves.
And self-leadership starts with the courage to pause and ask:
Where am I right now?
What is working for me?
What’s not working and why?
Where do I actually want to go?
These are not performance questions. They are perspective questions. They invite you to become aware of your current narrative, the lens through which you’re interpreting your life. Beneath every thought is a belief, and often, a bias - a mental shortcut that may have once served us, but now limits us.
For example:
Let’s return to Dyer’s quote:
This is the pivot point where self-leadership begins.
-Use these questions to explore and reframe your current thinking:
The choice to slow down, reflect, reframe, and realign your next step with who you want to become. This is what transforms coaching from goal-setting into growth. It's the shift from reacting to life, to responding to it with clarity, presence, and purpose. The power of coaching lies in supporting individuals in becoming conscious authors of their lives and as a result when we change the way we look at our beliefs, we begin to change the way we live our lives.
These are not performance questions. They are perspective questions. They invite you to become aware of your current narrative, the lens through which you’re interpreting your life. Beneath every thought is a belief, and often, a bias - a mental shortcut that may have once served us, but now limits us.
For example:
Belief: “If I ask for help, I’ll look incompetent.”
→ Emotion: Anxiety
→ Behaviour: Avoid asking
Bias: “I’m just not a numbers person.”
→ Emotion: Defensiveness
→ Behaviour: Avoid data-driven tasks
The challenge is that most of these beliefs are automatic, shaped by past experiences, culture, family, education - even trauma. But they’re not always true. And more importantly, they’re not fixed. Reframing is the practice of consciously changing the meaning we assign to a situation. It's not about “positive thinking,” it’s about true thinking.
Let’s return to Dyer’s quote:
“When you change the way you look at things…” That’s the reframing.
“…the things you look at change.” That’s the outcome.
This is the pivot point where self-leadership begins.
-Use these questions to explore and reframe your current thinking:
- What belief is driving this thought?
- Where did I learn this belief and is it still useful?
- What might be another way to look at this situation?
- If I were coaching someone else in my shoes, what would I say?
- What truth might I be resisting?
- What value or strength is trying to emerge here?
Self-leadership isn't about control – it's about choice.
The choice to slow down, reflect, reframe, and realign your next step with who you want to become. This is what transforms coaching from goal-setting into growth. It's the shift from reacting to life, to responding to it with clarity, presence, and purpose. The power of coaching lies in supporting individuals in becoming conscious authors of their lives and as a result when we change the way we look at our beliefs, we begin to change the way we live our lives.
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